Ugh….I talked about it last post concerning boys and their connection to my girls. I joke about them going to live in a convent with a bunch of nuns until they are old and gray but realize that is probably not going to be allowed. The world seems to frown on kidnapping children and placing them in convents these days…Who knew?
So the world just came to a screeching halt the other day. Milana comes to me and tells me, “Hey, Daddy. Mia has a boyfriend. In my head, I’m still thinking this is just an innocent thing. They also call their friends that are girls their girlfriends. Okay in this case it is a friend who is a boy. I am not so lucky. New Fire Dad Enemy Numero Uno is named……JACKSON!
Have you ever heard of a woman named Corinne Maier? I did not either until an article showed up on my of my feeds about a week ago. The article was centered on a concept known as parental regret. Corinne is a mother of two children (keep in mind that this can also be found in fathers) who decided that she would have been better off if she did not have children. Her belief is that her children caused immeasurable harm to her both mentally and financially. Could these “monster” type of parents truly exist in today’s society? Do I understand where they are coming from? More importantly, do I hold some of the same beliefs?
I spent some time looking at the different comments that were made to give the idea of parental regret a fair shake. I think it is unfair for people to attack a woman/man for their own beliefs. People’s beliefs have caused too much harm to people that do not hold the same beliefs as other people. Do I believe that people need to hold the same beliefs? Absolutely not! I think it is important in society that people have the ability to listen to the “evidence” and make their own decisions. There have been plenty of times where I “agree to disagree” with people that I know. If I believe strongly about something, I will normally not be swayed by another person. What I try to do is listen and try and understand other people’s thoughts and see if that will change my mind or cement my beliefs that much more.
When it comes to parental regret, I am not the person that regrets being a parent. Are kids monsters sometimes? Absolutely, I regularly call the girls my little animals. Do they cost me money? Oh my goodness more than you can imagine. One cost me money…..Two I’m am going to take out loans and now with three…..I need to look for a bankruptcy consultant. Okay well not that bad….yet. Can they take their toll on you emotionally? OH MY GOODNESS…unequivocally YES! They can really make some hurtful comments. They can say things that would make a trucker cringe that they picked up at school. This and my oldest is currently only six. So am I regretting my decision to be a Fire Dad? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
My girls provide me with the most joy out of anything in my life. It could be the joy they have with anything that is new. I see what they create in their art classes. I get to see their loss of teeth. I get to be there when they go to the dentist. I get to have they try different foods. I get to be part of their learning. This is a short list because I did not want to bore you with all the little things that lead to joy in my life because of my girls. I try to find ways to make the experiences something that we will always remember while we are together….not saying that money is not an issue but there are ways to have a great experience and not give away the farm.
Now I am not being foolish or blind to think that more challenges do not exist in the future. I fear boys! Not because I do not have any but I know how boys think. I keep picturing myself from the movie “Bad Boys” where Martin Lawrence and Will Smith decide to greet a new boy into the family. Need a refresher on how I plan on acting with a close friend or my brother? Check it out on YouTube:
I plan on being that guy! There are plenty of other things that scare the hell out of me when it comes to my daughters….We can discuss fears in a future post.
The bottom line is that there are some things that I regret doing in my life. I have made mistakes that I wish I could undo but I cannot so I just move on and try to do better in the future. When it comes to parental regret, I can see where these parents are coming from but where they see negatives, I can outweigh them with positives. Where they see problems, I see solutions. Maybe it is the firefighter in me to try and solve the world’s problems (Lord knows we have plenty of them) but regretting being a parent is not me. I love being a dad and I do not seeing that change anytime soon. I am into Parental Delight!
Any of you have any feelings of parental regret? Parental Delight? Let me know below in the comments.
So an interesting conversation came up at bedtime today. As I stated in a previous post, I am humbled by the amount of work that the kids are facing today in classrooms. I remember sitting in first grade still trying to figure out how to keep my crayons inside the lines and wondering why paste tasted so delicious! Nowadays the kids are learning to read, do math up to and including multiplication and many other “advanced” skills. I am in awe to see how advanced the girls are becoming as they are challenged every day in class.
The unfortunate part is seeing the testing that is associated with this level of education. This testing led to some tears this evening on both Mia’s and interestingly enough myself. She let me know earlier in the day that she was having some big tests. I might be dating myself here but it sounds the equivalent of my Iowa tests. The tests to see where the children are at with their peers both in the school and across geographic boundaries. She did not have too much concern earlier in the day but her anxiety did come out late at night.
She started to tear up saying that she was scared about the test the next day at school. She said that the longer texts in some of the reading questions confused her in the past. She was concerned that she was going to upset me by not getting these questions right. She said that these questions she had guessed at in the past and she got them wrong. Trying to bring at my logical side, I told her about how far she has come since she started her first grade experience. I told her that when she started she was not able to read the level of books that she has today. I told her that the books she reads now most certainly have more words than the questions in her testing. In fact, I told her that “mommy” had tried to trick her with some questions today while reading a book only to find that Mia comprehended what occurred in the story and was not fooled with the questions. She started to cry and this is where she tugged at my heart strings.
Thankfully, it was dark in the room and she could not see the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I said, “Honey, you have come so far and become so much better in reading and math by doing what?” She responded, “Practice, daddy”. I then went on to explain that she has been practicing almost everyday both reading and math with Mary and me. What I think I said next really made the difference to her because her tears turned to a smile and I got an extra special hug and kiss.
I told Mia that all that I expected from her was that she tried her best. I followed that up with that if she tried her best at everything she did she would succeed and I could never be upset with her. I repeated it to her a couple times and she finally realized that I was serious and that gave her relief. This also led to a super tight hug, a kiss and an “I love you, daddy”. She then lay back on her bed with what appeared to be a satisfied look on her face. My final “pearls” of wisdom was to tell her that to do her best she needed a good nights rest and a good breakfast like oatmeal in the morning. We pinky sweared that she would do that and try her best. Off to sleep she went.
As I sit and type this now, tears again seem to well up in my eyes as I try to navigate the pressures that impact the children and try to find ways that they can understand that all I can expect from them is that they try their best and I will always be proud of their accomplishments.
So this begs the question….Are you doing your best?
I cannot remember the day that I had my first sleepover at a friend’s house. I probably was a little older but Mia’s classmate, Payton, invited her and a girlfriend over for the night. I just took the girls to the Discovery Center in Rockford for an outing and her friend’s mom suggested that they do a sleepover. I thought to myself, “This might not be such a great idea”. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised.
My concern was that Allie, her other classmate, got a little upset at their last attempt of a sleepover at about 11pm in the evening. She called her mom and dad and they ended up picking her up. While some might think it would be worthwhile to tell the child to stick it out/suck it up, I think it might be better to make sure they feel comfortable in that environment instead of causing them undue stress. I do not want the girls to think that I would not be there for them in the event they did not feel comfortable on the sleepover. I did not want Mia to have a bad first experience which might effect her desire to do it again.
The other girls were jealous and immediately insisted on being allowed to have a sleepover as well. Knowing that Cathy had her hands full, I promised the other two that we would have a sleepover at our house and invite their friends over. The mob of two thought carefully about my suggestion. They looked at each other, nodded and let me know that was acceptable. Crisis averted for now with future post to come.
The sleepover started at 1630 and Mia was excited the whole morning. She had packed up her “security” items in a bag the night before. She chose to bring a sleeping bag, a pillow, three of her most treasured “stuffies” and her Lalaloopsy [sic]. The bag sat by the man door waiting for our depature and a reminder to all that Mia was going on her first sleepover.
I dropped her off at 1630 and Cathy was very welcoming. Mia immediately detached herself from me and went to her friends. I could tell that this was going to be good for her. I smiled at Cathy and wished her luck and to let me know if there was any problems. She seemed comfortable with the five girls. I received several text pictures and updates on Mia which to me made it special. I felt like a proud Fire Dad because my little girl was all grown up now!
The next day, I woke up and found that my phone did not have any text messages on it. Two possible scenarios: Either Cathy and Dan were perfectly fine and the kids had a great time or they were now being held hostage and I would have to pay a king’s ransom for their safe return. I was hoping for the former! I texted Cathy before departing for the gym but her phone was off so I did not get a response for a spell. I suggested 1030 for a pickup and she said that would be fine. I finished up my workout and picked up Mia.
Thankfully, Cathy and Dan looked in good health with no rope marks on their wrists:). Mia looked a little tired and they were doing some sort of dance game on the television. The beds were out in the living room by the TV. Cathy said that Mia was up til almost midnight – the latest. I guess I could be proud of such a trooper but I knew this would mean her attitude would be not so good for the rest of the day (and it wasn’t). She already had breakfast which Cathy and Dan prepared. It rivaled many restaurants in that they had bacon, eggs, muffins, milk, orange juice – just to name a few). I was JEALOUS! The girls did art and she brought her projects home. They took numerous pictures with a modern day Polaroid. I thanked both of them for being so kind.
Cathy let me know that Mia could come back again for another sleepover. That made me proud of her that she had behaved good while at the sleepover and encourages me to allow her to do it again in the future. For now, I am working on setting up Milana and Bella’s first sleepover. Please make sure you check up on me to see if I make it out alive!
Being a firefighter and a father is truly a unique experience. The schedule allows you to become an integral part of your children’s lives; if you choose to do it! Our schedule is a typical 24/48 schedule where we are on for a 24 hour period and then off for 48. While I dislike the loss of those 24 hours, I do try to take advantage of the 48 while I am at home.
One of the ways that I try to give back to my daughters is trying to participate in different school functions. School functions that I have participated with include different field trips, family nights out and school centers. Each one of these activities provides me the attachment to the girls that I adore.
Today was centers in Mia’s class. Not only do I get to interact with Mia but also with all of her classmates. I think that this is important as I get to see her with kids her age and how she interacts with them. When I show up, I sit at table awaiting for one of the three groups to join me. While the table is made for someone a lot smaller than 6′ 3″, it is still enjoyable. Because I have built a small rapport with all of the kids, I usually get smiles and a lot of waves from the kids.
I have to give it to the teacher’s as they come up with some fun educational games. Today was a game called Syllable Snowmen. There are about 40 flashcards which each contained a word. There were equal amounts of 1, 2 and 3 syllable words. The goal is to have the Head (one syllable word), Body (two syllable word) and legs (three syllable word). All the kids did great with the game as I made it a competition between them with an interesting twist. I wanted them to work as a team; similar to what I am familiar with as a firefighter.
I told the kids that they were going to be timed to find and put together their snowman. The team building came in that they turned the card over and worked together to figure out the word and the number of syllables. Some of the kids are good with words and some not so good but to my surprise, they worked together to get the job done. I told the kids that you might be the “best” individually but the team would always be stronger and faster as a group than even the best individual. For the most part, the kids seemed to embrace the idea and made me proud of the group.
At the tail end of the center, the kids were starting to say they were hungry and started to lose a little interest in the game. The hour and 15 minutes ended too quickly as it was 11am. The kids all lined up for lunch carrying their lunchboxes. I got numerous high fives from some of the kids. More importantly, I got a big hug from Mia. I told her that I loved her and would see her in a few hours when she arrived home. I hope that some of the ideas that I provided the kids have at least a little impact on their lives. I look forward to my next center day with the kids.
