Apr 25, 2018 | Uncategorized
The 3rd Minion – Bella
Nothing is more satisfying as a parent than seeing your kids working together toward a common goal. It seems like every day, the girls can fight like a bunch of savages over some of the DUMBEST things! They will fight about who should cuddle with me. They will fight about what song needs to be played. They will even fight about what order that I carry them to bed. I call this normal behavior.
When those special moments occur and the girls move in the same direction, it is SIMPLY AMAZING. There are certain “milestones” that every parent looks forward too…..One of the most recent with the girls was Milana learning how to ride a bike without training wheels. Mia has been riding her bike without training wheels for a couple years and Milana was looking to do the same. I took her wheels off at the end of last year but she never seemed to get the hang of it. I was not going to push it and I was proud when she said she wanted her training wheels off. Bella was not really a bike rider last year. She did not seem to get the idea of pedaling which frustrated her. She just wanted to be pulled around in the wagon.
The weather has not cooperated with us so we could get the bikes out and the girls working on their riding skills. Well, the girls decided that they were going to take the bull by the horns and get started. What pushed me to get the bikes down was the fact that each of the girls “bought” horns and bells for their bikes. I took them all down this past weekend for them and got all their attachments. These items inspired them into getting back on the road.
So….Mary wakes me up about 7am and tells me to look out the window. To my delight, I see the girls (with winter jackets) on trying to ride bikes. My biggest delight was seeing Mia helping both the girls with riding bikes. For Milana, she was pushing her to get moving forward so Milana could ride on her own. For Bella, Mia would push her enough where the pedals would be in a position to let Bella ride her bike. Mia did not just do this once. She continued to run from Milana and then to Bella to keep them moving forward. For once…in a blue moon….there was no arguing….there was no complaining…..there was no competition. There were three sisters working together to be able to enjoy riding their bikes together.
Just about this time, Mary said that Mia was in need of an upgrade of her bike. She was still riding her 16″ bike that she has had for several years. Not surprisingly, she has grown like a weed and even at the highest setting, she looked awkward riding her bike. Due to her selfless behavior toward her sisters, we decided to look around for a bike for her. Let’s just say Mia is now riding a 20″ bike that has multiple gears on it. She loves her new ride but I could not be more proud of the three girls for working together as a team towards a common goal!
Apr 19, 2018 | Uncategorized
Sometimes I find myself laughing about the weird and different things that the kids do. Interestingly, I think many of the people that do not have kids fail to “enjoy” or understand what parents have to deal with. I have decided to do a “top five things that things only parents would understand”.
Kids Desire to Be the Next Picasso – First, one my biggest “joys” is when I become the human version of a magic eraser. It seems like there is nothing sacred inside our house when it comes to a possible “canvas” for the girls. It started out so simple. We have textured walls in the basement. This also used to be my man cave BUT kids definitely can wreak havoc on that idea. The basement now has become the kids play land…or better yet the room that looks like a nuclear warhead went off in. Along with the toys, the girls store all their art supplies. One day the kids were playing down there. Later that day, I found white chalk “tick marks” like they are counting their days in prison. Thankfully, it was an easy one to clean up. That did not remain the case for some of the other artistic expressions. Mia decided one day that Milana would be her canvas….so she she drew on her with crayons. Thankfully, a little bit of scrubbing in the bathtub and Milana’s “tattoos” came off. The two that were the hardest to remove had one created by Mia and the other by Bella. Mia decided that crayons on carpet (dark blues and purples) was a good ideas. Let’s just say it took a ton of scrubbing and OxyClean to get the marks removed. Bella did not want to upstaged by Mia so got to work. She decided to go into my office with a pencil and “etch” some drawings on my way. This graffiti was done so “well” that it still exists to this day. The only way to get rid of this art is to paint the office which I refuse to do! Thanks Bella for the art!
Breaks Don’t Exist – I think sometimes that kids were put on this earth to challenge their parents on a daily basis. I think there must be a secret school somewhere in my house where they have all sit for hours honing their skills. They continue to up their game to ensure that breaks do not exist.
Mommy: Ok Bella….We all know that you like to go potty during dinner. Why don’t you go now so we are not interrupted.
Bella: No. I don’t have to go.
Mommy: Okay well you are not going while we are eating.
[Food is placed on the table and everyone takes their first bite]
Bella: I have to go potty.
Mommy: [In her head…or so she thinks] Damn it Bella….then go potty.
[Two minutes later….oh and after a couple more bites of food]
Bella: I HAVE POO POO!
Mommy: [Face turns 3 shades of red as she goes to wipe one more little ass]
Kids Do Not Need Toys – I like many of you was crushed when I saw that Toys R Us was shutting down. That store contained so many memories for me as it was a wonderland for kids to find virtually any toy. I was fortunate to have plenty of toys to enjoy as I grew up. Keeping that in mind, I think it is important for the kids to also have toys that they can enjoy. That being said, I have been shocked by the “toys” that consistently come out on top for the girls. You probably could say that I “spoil” the girls with these toys on a frequent basis and in many different shapes and sizes. What are they? BOXES from Amazon. These boxes seem to bring so much joy and happiness…and the girls FIGHT over who gets to use the box. When the fights erupt, the one thing that can calm the troops is the other “gift” that shows up inside the boxes….The Air Packets inside to cushion the actual item. They will then fight over how many of the packets each of them gets….Let the fights continue because Daddy is gonna buy a skid load of different sizes “presents” for all of you…and I’ll only spend about $25!
Parents Appreciate Sleep – All of you non-parents just don’t understand this. Sleep in til 9am? NOT! Wanna get a nap in? NOT! As parents, we are the personal servants of our kids. Oh your sick, Mommy? Suck it! I need to be fed. I need you to wipe my dirty little butt. “Daddy….Entertain me!”. Oh you had a rough night on your ambulance? Suck it! A little hung over from the Xmas party? Hehehe….You better suck it up buttercup! Kids do not see any of these as their problems. You will get up at the crack ass of dawn and keep that engine running until they end up going back to sleep. The only exception here is to purchase a blow gun with tranquilizer darts. Just make sure you have good aim!
Parents Appreciate What It Means to Be a Broken Record –
Daddy: Girls we need to get our shoes and jackets on so we can get to school.
[Collective Response – NONE!]
Daddy: Girls we REALLY need to get our shoes and jackets on so we can get to school.
[Collective Response – Walk about 2 feet – look around – Pretend like Daddy just said NOTHING – Continue on doing whatever you want]
Daddy: GIRLS GET YOUR SHOES AND JACKETS ON NOW!
[Collective Response – Gaze at me with a look that says – “Are you really serious?”]
Daddy: [Walk out of the house toward the car shaking my head]
[Collective Thought of Girls – “That’s Right Bitch…We Own You!”
All parents can understand these five things on some level. All non-parents do not get to “enjoy” them individually but probably can relate or heard stories from friends that are parents! Let me know below your ideas of what else should have made the list…Oh and while you are thinking about it…Why don’t you like the Fire Dads Facebook page before I send Diablo Bella to come with her colored pencils to your home!
Apr 17, 2018 | Uncategorized
Yes yes yes. I know I spelled dumber wrong but that is how I am starting to feel when the kids come home from school. Mia comes home with homework every day from her first grade class. While I am impressed with how well she is advancing, I am seeing that not only does she have homework but so do I! I thought I had left this all behind after I graduated from college.
I now have on average about an hour of homework that needs to be done everyday. Oh gee, can I please do YOUR homework? Who would have thought you would have homework in 1st Grade? Mrs. Tazzioli was a saint in my eyes because I never had to take work home. I had no math. I had no reading and I certainly did not have spelling!
Now here is where things get ugly. I thought I could single handedly change how Mia was doing her homework. I first decided to focus on her math problems. This stuff is easy I would tell her. The math you are doing has an answer. , 14-5=9 and 12+12=24 right? MMMM….Not anymore it doesn’t! She tells me that you need to show how that it works. Oh shit. That is easy. Take the first number put it on top and cross a few numbers and take this one away from over her and WHAM your answer. OH NO…Not so easy. Now everything is these damn number boxes or lines. So with 12+12 is now 10+2+10+2 which then equals 20+4 which then equals 24. That to me seems like a shit ton of work. Not a problem because I can adapt. Well let’s just say that I did not adapt enough. It turns out that I was giving bad instruction on some of her homework. EEEEKKKKK…Well that could not be, I have been through advanced Calculus and Physics….Ah well, I gave in and asked that Mrs. Wisted send home Mia’s math workbook every day so I can “learn” math…It just never ends.
Then comes reading. Oh joy. It only seems like yesterday that I was reading books to her. Now she reads the books for me in the first grade. When I was in first grade, I read novels like “Tad (dog) sees Jill” and “Jill hears Fred”. I have to say that I am impressed with how far she has gotten in her first two years at Reilly. Mrs. Wisted does a great job with the kids and rewards them when they achieve goals. Mia tells me about all the things that she gets….I’m jealous because I want some of those things (candy, stuffed animals, etc.). It reminds me of some of the stuff that you get from Chuckie Cheese but these little trinkets sure get her motivated to read the books from her class, as well as, extra books called AR (I think Advanced Reading). She now reads 1-2 books per day at home and her vocabulary is increasing so quickly.
Ah and then there is spelling. I think in 1st grade I was tackling the very difficult words like dog, cat, rat, frog. Oh there is no messing around in spelling either. While there are some easy words (by, ), Mrs. Wisted goes all gangster on Mia’s spelling words with things like Incubator, Oviparous and Embryology. Yeah, now I’m feeling really dumb. 1st grade and she knows these words? While I went ahead and looked them up, I definitely did not know how to spell them or know their meaning before the sheet came home! So how did she do on her spelling words?? She got 100% which translates into 3 pieces of candy. She definitely puts in the hard work to get those scores but it impresses me with how she gets the words that this Fire Dad was lost on.
While I am not against the kids getting homework, I fear the day when all three have homework together. If we factor in an hour for each girl, I will be doing late night study sessions with them. We will all be sitting around drinking Jolt Cola, taking No Doze and listening to Gangster Rap until midnight!
Apr 13, 2018 | Uncategorized
So I have been putting some heavy thought into whether or not I’m a violator. For the past six…almost 7 years, I have been provided 3 square meals per day, several snacks, unlimited water and a roof of heads for three little girls. I’ve never spent more than 24 hours in prison but damn it that sounds like a pretty good life. This was without having the “Triad of Doom” do any more physical labor other than cleaning their room. So today was the day. It was time to put the little “darlings” to work.
Kid Jail!
So being a big fan of Sheriff Joe Arpaio from Arizona, I needed to find a way for the girls to “pay their way” and their ever increasing debts with Daddy. I could do what I planned and keep them in cages (let Fozzie sleep on their beds) but I figured someone would turn me in. Society seems to frown on children being locked in cages these days. How about putting leg shackles on them and then have them walk up and down I-90 picking up garbage in their little orange jump suits. I’m guessing someone would complain as this is too dangerous for children. I could have them at a busy intersection supporting a “fake charity” along with a box of Tootsie Rolls collecting money….Ah the cops seem to frown on this. Too many ideas were dancing around in my head.
I finally decided that yard work was the ticket. We were in need for a good spring clean up! Interestingly enough…..the first question they asked was how much money were they going to get paid. I thought a roof and 3 squares a day would be sufficient but they strong armed me into paying them money. What they didn’t know is that this Fire Dad is a very skilled negotiator and that I never agreed to a “wage”. While I know I could not work them for 40 hours without having a representative from the Illinois Department of Labor showing up, I figured I could get a good hour out of them without issue. We immediately got to work.
What I have learned is that each of them wants to do what the other is doing. That in mind, I had purchased three rakes. I was thinking I was ahead of the game at this point. I pulled the wheelbarrow to make their work easier. I stood by cracking my whip in the air with a maniacal laugh. “Get the work you little monsters”, I said. “Do it now or there will be no dinner”. (I really didn’t say this but was definitely thinking it). While they filled the first wheelbarrow, I lit the fire pit. By the time it was done and over, we had filled out 20-30 full loads that were dumped into the pit. It made one hell of a fire. By the time we dumped the final load it was starting to get dark. What was surprising was that they worked well as a team. I gave them a goal of what I wanted accomplished and they NAILED IT. While there was a couple of arguments during the process, it actually went quite well.
I thought I was safe but the little entrepreneurs would not let it go…..they wanted their wages. I’ve seen that look before. Had I not immediately came up with a fair wage, there would have been a public beating of this Fire Dad. Fearful for my life, I quickly asked them what they wanted. Mia’s response, “100”. Mary said that she was not getting 100. Mia started crying. I said, “Honey, I can give you 100 pennies”. She stopped crying and said that is what she wanted. Mia had done some extra work prior to the leaves so she got $1.50….Milana and Bella each received $1.00 each…for about 1 hour worth of work. That’s what I am talking about!
What do you think? Was this too early for some money for some work? Should there be an allowance? At what age is it appropriate? Let me know below what you have done because I am still wondering what might be best for the girls in the future.
So…When are you going to do me the favor of liking our Facebook page? If I get 10 new “friends” this week, I will release the girls from their cages for a while. So what is it going to be????? Cages or Likes on Facebook…Your choice people????
Apr 11, 2018 | Uncategorized
I do not think it comes as a surprise that I enjoy being around the girls. As the girls were born, I thought of the day that they would be the best of friends. The day that there would be harmony in the house. The day that there would be laughter and good conversation in all four corners of the house. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
Maybe I had false hopes and dreams since me and my older brother argued quite a bit….but girls….are they not better? Um NOPE! That dumb ass poem of What Girls are Made of:
Sugar and spice
and everything nice
that’s what little girls are made of
Sunshine and rainbows
and ribbons for hair bows
that’s what little girls are made of
Tea parties, laces
and baby doll faces
that’s what little girls are made of
I think someone was hitting the crack pipe or never saw how these girls act! What drives me nuttier than a jay bird is that they have pulled the wool over so many people’s eyes. “Oh my goodness, I’d take Milana right now”; “Oh Bella is so sweet”; “Mia is such a well behaved girl”. Are you kidding me? What do I need to do to get people to realize that I think I need to call in some heavy hitters to conduct the next exorcism. The only reason I have not done it yet is that I do not do well around green vomit…..well vomit in general; color will most likely not make a difference. As I told my good CPR Ninjas from Zion….I’m a sympathetic “vomitter”. If you barf on me…It’s a natural reaction (and maybe revenge) that I’m gonna hork all over you. It might not be green but damn it I’ll go projectile on you!
ANYWHO…I digress. Getting back to these “wonderful little angels”. So what do we argue about in the Chalet? Oh I don’t know…..
“Daddy, Mia took the last orange”
“Daddy, Milana is looking at me….and I don’t like it”
“Daddy, Bella is copying me”
All three in Unison, “I don’t want to watch [insert movie]”. NO ONE CAN AGREE HERE.
{Insert Whiny Voice} – {Insert Latest Tattling Issue}
{Insert Crying} {Insert Complaint}
Did I do this to my parents when I was a kid? I do not remember being this micro with my complaints about my brother. Was he a pain in the ass at times….well yes but I’m sure I was not a peach all the time (only 99% – Ask Mary she’ll confirm this :)~~~
What have I tried to fix the behavior? We have done the time out thing….Um fail. We have taken things away. That works for about 2 mins and then they forget about it. Take away special treats….again they forget about it. The one that I like the most is that they have to do a time out followed by giving the other “offender” a hug and tell them why they love them. Boy does that piss them off but it sure gives the parents a giggle or two.
So I read an article that says that you need to write down the rules and have the kids agree to them ahead of time (instead of wanting to just ship them off to the gypsies). This woman that wrote the article says that by doing this all problems have ceased. I’m not buying it….or maybe my girls are just aliens that don’t comply with normal behavior.
Here are the rules from her:
- In a conflict, no hurting (hitting, kicking, pinching, spitting) is ever allowed. If this happens, the consequence is no screen time for a week.
- No name-calling or personal insults about someone’s appearance.. Consequence same as #1
- If anyone is fighting over a toy, the toy gets a time out. No questions asked.
- Any person who demands to be first will go last.
- Whatever is borrowed must be returned. If it isn’t, the consequence is that the borrower must choose an item from their sibling’s room to replace the missing one.
Is this the Holy Grail that I have been searching for? Can the chalet become a bastion of peace, love and tranquility? Well I will try anything to try to make it more palatable on the bad days. What do you do to make things defuse in your house? Let us know below.
Oh and would you just do it already and like the Fire Dads Facebook page? Geez what do I need to do, promise that I’ll come by and do a load of laundry? I will show up in my Borat outfit….Get that one out of your head….and like us already!
I’ll dress up and do your laundry if you like our Facebook Page!
https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/kids-parenting/stop-sibling-fights
