So an interesting conversation came up at bedtime today. As I stated in a previous post, I am humbled by the amount of work that the kids are facing today in classrooms. I remember sitting in first grade still trying to figure out how to keep my crayons inside the lines and wondering why paste tasted so delicious! Nowadays the kids are learning to read, do math up to and including multiplication and many other “advanced” skills. I am in awe to see how advanced the girls are becoming as they are challenged every day in class.
The unfortunate part is seeing the testing that is associated with this level of education. This testing led to some tears this evening on both Mia’s and interestingly enough myself. She let me know earlier in the day that she was having some big tests. I might be dating myself here but it sounds the equivalent of my Iowa tests. The tests to see where the children are at with their peers both in the school and across geographic boundaries. She did not have too much concern earlier in the day but her anxiety did come out late at night.
She started to tear up saying that she was scared about the test the next day at school. She said that the longer texts in some of the reading questions confused her in the past. She was concerned that she was going to upset me by not getting these questions right. She said that these questions she had guessed at in the past and she got them wrong. Trying to bring at my logical side, I told her about how far she has come since she started her first grade experience. I told her that when she started she was not able to read the level of books that she has today. I told her that the books she reads now most certainly have more words than the questions in her testing. In fact, I told her that “mommy” had tried to trick her with some questions today while reading a book only to find that Mia comprehended what occurred in the story and was not fooled with the questions. She started to cry and this is where she tugged at my heart strings.
Thankfully, it was dark in the room and she could not see the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I said, “Honey, you have come so far and become so much better in reading and math by doing what?” She responded, “Practice, daddy”. I then went on to explain that she has been practicing almost everyday both reading and math with Mary and me. What I think I said next really made the difference to her because her tears turned to a smile and I got an extra special hug and kiss.
I told Mia that all that I expected from her was that she tried her best. I followed that up with that if she tried her best at everything she did she would succeed and I could never be upset with her. I repeated it to her a couple times and she finally realized that I was serious and that gave her relief. This also led to a super tight hug, a kiss and an “I love you, daddy”. She then lay back on her bed with what appeared to be a satisfied look on her face. My final “pearls” of wisdom was to tell her that to do her best she needed a good nights rest and a good breakfast like oatmeal in the morning. We pinky sweared that she would do that and try her best. Off to sleep she went.
As I sit and type this now, tears again seem to well up in my eyes as I try to navigate the pressures that impact the children and try to find ways that they can understand that all I can expect from them is that they try their best and I will always be proud of their accomplishments.
So this begs the question….Are you doing your best?