(Sorrowful Music playing) I’m innocent. I never try to cause debate and spit venom in my house (well maybe a little). That being said, I still enjoy a good debate until it turns plain ugly. I was recently attacked viciously by Mary….and it was all about an egg.
Let me paint the picture for you so you know that I was not at fault. It was a quiet day….like most of my days at home. I was sitting in the sun room enjoying a quiet afternoon while the children were fast asleep. I was in my nice warm jammies and slippers. I had my crochet needles out and was knitting an outfit for a group of some poor innocent children. I peered up from it for a moment and noticed that Mary was filling eggs for our upcoming Eggapoolza 2018 (2nd Annual Easter Egg Hunt). Being the most wonderful, awesome, hottest, incredible, and subtle person in the world, I decided that I would assist (even though I had already done 350 eggs on my own). I smiled and asked, “Most darling wife, can I please help you with your hard work of stuffing eggs”. Without a word, a half an egg quickly was tossed at my head. Thankfully, my spidey sense was tingling and I was able to dodge the egg destined to cause permanent disfigurement.
Not wanting to be injured further by such violent outbursts, I quickly started filling the eggs. It was going so smoothly until suddenly….it happened. I was viciously attacked by Mary and then had salt poured in the wound by all of her Facebook friends. What was reason I was attacked? It all comes down to which part of a plastic egg is the top. I have not really put too much thought into which end was the top and which was the bottom. I thought it was pretty clear which was which. Apparently, I was COMPLETELY wrong….according to them. While there are many parts of a real egg, there are only two parts to a plastic egg, namely the pointy portion and the blunt portion. All I said was that the top portion was the non-pointy section. You would think that I have just insulted the human race by the look I received from Mary. She chuckled….She guffawed…..She slapped me with her eyes. I was crest fallen and beaten down like a dog. I needed some help….some backup….some science!
I needed guidance….I needed to feel loved….I needed to ask the almighty oracle….GOOGLE. It seemed like days after I typed www.google.com in the URL bar until the search bar came up. I knew I had to be careful as to be fair to all parties involved. I searched “which side of the egg is the top”…even before I completed my query Google assisted me in my quest. Obviously this question has plagued mankind for……well a very long time! As I hit the enter button to see the results, I could feel a bead of sweat cascading down my brow toward my shirt. I knew there was no turning back now. Was I really wrong? Would science back Mary and all of her friends? Could I ever live with myself after today?
What I found shocked me! I WAS RIGHT! The pointy end was considered the bottom of the egg. It was all science as I quickly learned. I showed Mary this information and she again laughed at me. Who was this person reporting it? Well for starters, it was done on a science based website. Second, the individual that wrote it had a Bachelor’s in Science and a Masters in Zoology. I would think a person with that kind of education would trump some other people with less knowledge. Well, let’s just say it did not sway her or her friends. The continued the attacks and saying that the pointy portion was the top.
After countless hours of crying by myself, I finally regained my composure. I realize that some people will continue to disagree with you even when science is on your side. It’s probably the next conspiracy theory!
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