Have you ever been called a golf bitch? Well neither have I to be perfectly honest. But as my momma used to tell me, “Son, Actions speak louder than words!”. It all started out like any other day in the Przybylski Chalet. My kids were running around like a bunch of wild animals in need of a tranquilizer dart, Mary carried the dart gun but was out of ammo from the previous day and I was doing something extremely important like putting my feet up, watching some television or plucking hairs from my ears (which seems to becoming more frequent).
In all of our infinite wisdom, we decided that the girls would benefit from being involved in some golf lessons. Well to be perfectly honest, it was a selfish decision, as I am attempting to pick the “low hanging fruit” for potential scholarships later on in their college lives. Let’s be honest…If you know me and my level and sports “skills” we all know they are doomed! Getting a scholarship in those highly competitive sports for me would be like me winning the damn lottery.
I have been counseled by many parents that have kids ready to enter college who advise that sports like bowling, archery, lacrosse and golf for girls have tremendous potential for scholarships. Hey Mia, Milana and Bella….I love you loads but college costs are ridiculous and we are gonna need all the help we can get to offset college costs. Hmmmm…..or I could fashion it like this. Your choice – school or marriage? Okay, well the school payment option is not so bad after all!
It is important to note that I am all in on this golf thing. I thought what else do you need other than a couple of golf balls and a set of clubs. We ended up getting a “junior” set for both girls for a total of $100! Cheap so far and my girls seem to want to make this happen. We find out from one of Mia’s friend’s moms that a local golf course is providing lessons for kids 5 and up. We signed them up for 4 hour long sessions. So far this is looking good.
I drive them to their first day of practice. As we are driving, I am probably the most excited. I am thinking my future obligation for college expenses is slowly slipping away. I can retire like a king…have a butler, a maid, a couple of dogs. I won’t have to do a thing. I can sit and relax, drink my girlie drinks and catch some sunshine. Ah retirement….I’m just gonna pamper myself. Then reality set in!
We pull up at the golf course. I open the back of the van and tell the girls to grab their bags so they can march in for their first lesson. They both look at me, look at their bags and then back at me. Oh shit…I get it…I am the golf bitch. The only thing they wanted to do from the fantasy going on in my mind was to march to their lesson. Oh…..so now dad became the caddie. I felt like Happy Gilmore being smacked down by Bob Barker.
As I am walking toward the the lobby, I was telling myself the reason that I bought these damn clubs and bags was because they were made for little kids to cart their own clubs. It is a backpack style and it only weighed about 10lbs. Either way, I was being a good caddie and got their bags setup on the putting green.
All in all being the golf bitch was a small price to pay. I decided to stick around to watch the girls practice their new game. While they are not Tiger Woods at this point, I was throughly impressed with how well they picked up putting and driving on their first day. There were a couple points where Milana became frustrated but I helped her move past those moments and she really has come around.
I am hoping that they stick with golf as it is something that I can enjoy with them until they start making me look crappy on the golf course (this is not hard to do). I think this will help them not only develop friendships with other like minded kids but also gets them away from the house and their tablets for a little bit!