So before I get started with this one, I wanted to preface this by saying that on Wednesdays we will be doing our Have You Ever series. It is a fun way of publishing what most parents have roll through their mind at some point in their lives….or in some cases many times per day.
Did you parents ever tell you that they were going to sell you to the gypsies? I cannot tell you how many times my father told me this. Interestingly, he never followed through on his threats although I’m sure he wanted to at many points in my childhood. This led me to thinking on how to best prepare myself and the girls to make this happen should Mary ever give me the green light. Hearing the countless amounts of requests across the globe by parents wanting to sell their children to gypsies, Fire Dads has done something that no one even thought was possible. In partnership with IAG (International Association of Gypsies) and several other non-noteworthy governmental agencies, have created the FIRST AND ONLY Gypsy Training program that is guaranteed to bring the highest price for your children. This is unlike any other training program that you have put your children through. It will be taxing….It will be emotional….It will put them over the edge against all the other children that are waiting in line per their parents. Previous “clients” have seen prices double and sometimes triple for their children when they sell their children by following our patented program. I wish I could share all the testimonials…but we are weary of our competitors stealing our secret sauce.
The training program is officially known as GTX-90 – Gypsy Training Xtreme – the only patented and parent approved gypsy training program in the world. It will train you how to train your children (train the trainer program) so that you can get a premium when you pull the trigger on the sale of your child. What can you expect from our training program? Let’s find out!
Disk 1
- Situational Awareness 101 – Being aware that selling children is alright especially to a band of gypsies. Also, how to see that a sale of your child is imminent.
- Fortune Telling 101 – This is a basic class on what fortune telling is all about. Expect to learn the history of fortune telling from its inception to modern trickery. Learn the secrets from experts that have had people pay them countless amounts of cash for information that a monkey could have developed. Learn basic hand reading and tarot card readings.
- Be the Best New Gypsy – Developing the proper mindset to being a gypsy can be difficult. This teaches parents what exactly are the “best practices” of gypsy-hood. It gets you and the children aware of what lies ahead.
Disk 2
- Gypsy Dress – Learn the secrets of how to kill in in the gypsy fashion world. Learn color combinations that will make the opposite sex lose their marbles….literally. By the end of this section, you will be able to coordinate a look that would make gypsies across the globe cringe (think Princess Elsa mixed with a bag lady).
- Basic Tambourine Banging – Music is certainly an important part of gypsy life. Being a nomadic group, there is a need for enjoying some beautiful music from time to time. Year ago the girls got a complete music kit which includes a tambourine. They also got a Frozen musical ensemble which included a second one. To ensure I have them all in rhythm we have regular tambourine practice in the living room for 90 minutes on M, W, F.
- Crystal Ball 101 – Learn the basics of how to look in a clear object and pretend like you see stuff….like lots of shit. Experts show you how to rub and stroke orbs to make people believe that you know what you are doing. Also covered in this section is to make up weird “voices” and facial expressions so that people believe that spirits are being channeled into the crystal ball. Experts tell you what general statements will force people to come forth with additional information to make you look like a master fortune teller.
Disk 3
- Retail Thieving – Probably one of the most important skills that can be learned as gypsy. Learn the skills of a master retail thief. How to properly look over your shoulder. How to move to an area not covered by surveillance cameras. Best methods on jumping over fences when the FUZZ is on your tail. Proper “crotching” techniques. How to stuff your pants and not look fat.
- Advanced Tambourine Banging – This one takes up where the basic course leaves off. You will be able to properly wiggle to the music and hypnotize potential victims with moves like Shakira.
- Fire Juggling – Not for the light hearted. This is why it is on disk 3 as opposed to disk 1. Fire is dangerous but if you can master this skill you will be identified as a Master Gypsy – many have tried and few have succeeded. Fire will dance if you pick this one up.
Disk 4 – BONUS
- Not one….not 2….not 4…but 6 stories from real life gypsies who have KILLED IT. They will describe how their lives were changed forever as part of the GTX-90 program. They will cover where they started and how far they have come. This disk is worth the entire cost of the program!
What would you be willing to pay for a program? We have been told that our program BLOWS the competition out of the water. We have had people say that had they had this program prior to selling their children that they would have gotten paid more money. We have seen our program being sold on the black market for over $1000.00. But you are not going to pay $1000.00. You are not even going to pay 50% of that? If you purchase today during the next 10 minutes, we will sell it to you for $249.49. That is right folks. For less than a cup of coffee per day (K-Cup spread of 12 months), you can have this training to maximize the price for your child.
Folks…this is not all. If you order your GTX-90 program within the next 48 1/2 seconds, we will ship you a 2nd program for a loved one at no additional cost (you just pay a very large amount of money in S/H fees). Call NOW – 1-800-I WANNA SELL MY CHILD and place your order before it is too late!
Oh why are you holding out on liking FireDads.com Facebook page? We still love you but I might be selling you next unless you click here and like us?