I am harassed at home. My girls have been very mean to me for quite a time. I have been carrying this burden for far too long so now is time to spill my emotions all over you. It has become so bad that their friends have now joined in the harassment and I think I’m going to get some of their teachers in trouble for failing to stop the behavior. It has become so severe that Mary has decided to take their side and harass me as well. I am…..Michael Jackson.
I am Michael Jackson
You all know who I am talking about. The King of Pop. While he is no longer with us, I for some reason have taken on his legacy in my children’s eyes. I am not sure how it started but I believe my tough as nails little girl Bella said it one day. I must have done something pretty terrible for her to turn, look at me with a scowl on her face with her saying, “Ok, Michael Jackson”. That is all it took, the other two jumped on the band wagon and it has stuck at home.
Not to be one to be outdone, I now have Michael Jackson’s music on their playlist and play it repeatedly. Everyone is entitled to their opinions on him and his life, but the bottom line is the man was TALENTED. I have had them watch his videos. I have them singing their little hearts out in the car on the way to pre-school. The best part is all of them will dance to his music at the house. I even made them a deal. If they could dance as good as Michael Jackson, I’d buy them all a fidget spinner. I know…I play high stakes games with the kids! Now every time they want to “burn” me, they call me Michael Jackson. All the kids laugh and think is hysterical.
Well my pain goes much deeper when I drop Milana and Bella off at school. My normal goal is to get all the kids riled up before leaving. Drop the grenade and then I go to the gym leaving the teachers with the clean up. I’m sure I’m their favorite parent….that they want to beat with a club. Well now, Bella has instructed all the kids to call me Michael Jackson. Now I have about 15 kids that have jumped on board. They chase me around like a posse only to laugh, giggle, point and call me Michael Jackson.
Mary has decided that I should embrace Michael Jackson. I get a call from her a couple days ago. She sounds very excited. She says, “I am in such a good mood. I had such a good experience at Walmart”. I would have loved to get my facial expression after her telling me this. Before I could ask her what had happened, she goes off on a completely different subject (I’m sure all you Fire Dads can relate to that kind of behavior). Well after she starts coming back on course with the conversation she tells me that she bought me something. She then laughs some more and says nothing else. All I can say now is that at least I’m not in trouble so good day for me too.
I get home from the gym with Milana and Bella. Mary hands Milana a bag with something in it. She is acting like a kid with a big secret. Milana hands me the bag. I open it up and find a shirt in it. On the front….A picture of Michael Jackson in a classic pose. Great, now my wife has now decided to jump on the band wagon to harass me like the girls. She even tries the burn by calling me Michael Jackson. My calculating mind goes into hyper drive. I need to get them all back! I planned for at least five minutes and I was ready to go.
The next morning I was planning on going to the gym after dropping them off at school. I quietly place my Michael Jackson shirt on and put a jacket over it. I drop Bella off at her class and the posse comes running at me. I rip off my jacket and show them the shirt as they scream Michael Jackson at me. The parents giggle and the kids all laugh but I’m sure they did not get it at all. It’s okay because I feel better. In fact, I feel so good that I wear my Michael Jackson shirt to the gym proudly with probably many of the members looking at me like they think I’m nuts.
It’s okay because….I am Michael Jackson.