Selling kids to the Carnies
It’s over. I cannot do this anymore. It is time to sell the kids to the next group of carnies for the highest price I can get. Hell, it’ll be a fire sale…$0.50 per child! I’m sure right after I do that DCFS will be knocking on my front door reinforcing the idea that I am failing as a parent.
So you are probably wondering how I failed. Let’s just get the facts straight here Jack….I have failed many times in the past….AND….I plan on failing a lot in the future as well. My litmus test of failure is when my children say that they do not love me anymore. I am crushed. I am crest fallen. I hide underneath my bed for hours eating ice cream and crying myself back from the brink of depression. I wonder where I went wrong and how could I have made such a tragic wrong turn in my life for such statements to be made. Oh wait……I was being a parent. I was doing the right thing. I did not make a bad parenting decision but, in fact, made a good one. I think I need to rename this post because I am feeling much better now.
I would not identify myself as a softy as I have been called names all my life. As a child, I would be generally offended as most kids are about being called names. After a thickening of my outer layer, I slowly realized that people’s words do not truly have any impact on my life. So how does this “mutant ability” provide me benefit as being a better parent? It gives me the ability to be a parent first to the girls. Why do I care? Because I love them and want them to be someone later in life that I would want to hang out with.
I’m not sure if it is just being around three little girls or just kids in general. I feel like I’m on the American Eagle at Great America with the roller coaster of emotions that comes out of them. At times, I get “Daddy, you are the best daddy!” and literally 10 minutes later, “Daddy, I don’t like you!” Wait huh? Did I pull out the billy club and beat them like a baby harp seal in that short? Um no….although sometimes I think all parents have thoughts that cross your mind that probably is inappropriate parenting behavior….Not like I was gonna act on it people…Seriously!
The most recent roller coaster ride was this evening with Bella. Because we were working on our Leprechaun traps in the art room for the majority of the evening (and yes the ones I build will catch those little bastards if they exist), we did not have time to sit and relax for the evening to unwind before bed. Because I was being the “best” daddy ever, I told all the girls that we could stay up an additional ten minutes and watch Ghostbusters before starting our bedtime routine. Oh folks….THEY ALL LOVED ME AT THAT MOMENT! I was the King…The Hero….The Super Duper Fire Dad! Unfortunately, the mood took a turn for the worse when I called time at 8:10pm. Bella lost her shit. She started crying like I had taken her favorite stuffed animal and thrown it in the garbage.
Candy for the Kiddies
As she walked away crying, I followed her and asked what her problem was. Her response, “I am not going to bed. You are a bad daddy”. I immediately melted and saw the error of my ways and let them stay up til 10pm. Moreover, because I cannot take being called names, I gave them each 2 bags of candy (144 pieces per bag), 3 boxes of Popsicles and Pixie Stix. They were so much happier and NOW I am the best dad ever! NOT…NO….I did not do that not even close.
I see all these people on the internet that say they are their child’s “best friend”. Unfortunately, I do not see this as being the best path as a parent. A parent can provide some things that similar to that of a best friend. as a parent if you decide that you want to be the “best friend” in your child’s life, you will soon lose control as a parent. As a parent you can be accessible, approachable and always keep your child’s best interests at heart just like a best friend. A parent’s role goes deeper though. We have to get the children prepared for life. I want to be there to protect them, guide them and teach them so they will be prepared for the challenges of life. Not doing so is doing nothing other them setting them up for failure.
To my little girls I say, you might not appreciate that I am being “mean” to you right now BUT in the long run, people actually might want to hang out with you. More importantly….I might want to as well. Sleep well my little angry monkey, bear and bean.
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