Ugh….I talked about it last post concerning boys and their connection to my girls. I joke about them going to live in a convent with a bunch of nuns until they are old and gray but realize that is probably not going to be allowed. The world seems to frown on kidnapping children and placing them in convents these days…Who knew?
So the world just came to a screeching halt the other day. Milana comes to me and tells me, “Hey, Daddy. Mia has a boyfriend. In my head, I’m still thinking this is just an innocent thing. They also call their friends that are girls their girlfriends. Okay in this case it is a friend who is a boy. I am not so lucky. New Fire Dad Enemy Numero Uno is named……JACKSON!
Jackson did this and Jackson did that. I have that pre-vomit feeling moving its way up my throat as I begin to realize that this Jackson character is a “real” threat. Maybe I do not remember back that far but I thought boys stayed away from girls. It was more than cooties. It was more than germs. They were the were the Bubonic Plague. Not to be tangled with unless there was no other choice. Apparently, I have not kept up with the times because this is not the case in Marengo.
Could I possibly be wrong? Could I be making a mountain out of a mole hill? Well I had to do some investigation into the matter. I should say that the information fell right into my lap. I picked up Milana and Bella from after care and saw Mia’s classmate, Allie. Milana and Allie were laughing and joking and I hear, “Yeah Milana, Mia chases Jackson all the time during lunch.” I am thinking to myself, this is not good. It is followed up by, “Yeah, I think they are gonna kiss”. Okay….Jackson. Little Jackson. First Grader Jackson. I think we need to have a chat. That will happen in the near future. How you might ask?
One of my favorite activities that I get to do with Mia and her classmates is called centers. I get to sit at a table and do some little fun activity with Mia and all of her classmates including….you guessed it JACKSON! I normally do this 2-3 times per month for about an hour each time. The kids are in three groups and rotate in with me. Okay so we have the WHO, the WHEN, the WHERE, the WHY and the WHAT. The last thing that needs to be addressed is the HOW.
Do I meet him out on the playground….mono a mono. We could jump into our fencing outfits and duel to the death? I could go old school and hire some shifty guys from the west side of Chicago and use lead pipes. Think Nancy Kerrigan!
Start it at 24 if you want to see what I have in mind! I guess another option is some concrete shoes followed by intimate time with the fish at the bottom of Lake Michigan. So which direction to follow????
Thankfully, I have to say that at this point, I like Numero Uno. He seems like a very nice little boy….but he still is a boy and Mia is not dating him until he is 30! It kills me to say it but I might be begging him to take her when she starts moving into teen-hood. Maybe $50 bucks as a dowry would make the difference between having a quiet retirement and having hormones raging throughout the house with all three girls. Hell, I might even bump it up to $100!
Keep an eye out Jackson…..You might be messing with the wrong Elderly Guy…and keep in mind that it is a felony to beat up a geriatric parent!