I guess I should not be surprised. It is not like they showed up overnight. Hell, I probably could have fed all three girls since they have been around that long (is that too far:)~~~. I’ve seen women feeding their children well beyond what is the norm. In fact, I hear you can even have an orgasm from it!!!!!
Whatever excuse I can make…It is true….I have Bitch Tits! I am somewhat ashamed to admit it but I plan to conquer them and you can too! (Please read disclaimer below as I limit any liability in reducing your chesticles.)
They can come be called a variety of different names. I have come across many in my “extensive” search on Google. The ones that I have found include (Please include better ones in the comments section):
- Moobies
- Man Breasts
- Bumpers
- Wobblies
- Bazookas
- Moobs
- Chesticles
- Headlamps
- Boy Knockers
- Tipples
- Mannary Glands
- Love Lumps
- Bitch Tits
- Oh yeah and the stupid medical term which is not funny, gynecomastia
Whatever you want or feel the need to call them, they are not as uncommon as one would think. Some studies suggest that about 60% of men have either had them in their life or will get them. Moreover, they can come in a variety of shapes and sizes. You can have the Asymmetric, Bell Shape, East West, Side Set, Slender, Tear Drop, or Round – Click here for a full explanation. I wish I could make this shit up.
This of course does not help me….or you.
“The first step in solving a problem is recognizing there is one” – Will Mcavoy
Realizing that I need to first understand that this was a problem, I had to develop a test. All I had to do was rely on some of the greatest minds in the world – at the firehouse! What I was instructed to do was known as a slap/dunk test. These geniuses should probably have patented the process but they didn’t so I share it with you today….at NO COST AT ALL. I further refined it by adding a second test also known as the side boob test. Again, I am not going to charge you anything to use this process….maybe in the future so test away while I allow you to do it for free. In the video below, I use myself as a human guinea pig (no real guinea pigs or any other animals were injured during testing) by demonstrating the full test in less than 15 SECONDS! Do I really have a problem, you make the call – leave a comment below.
How to Conquer YOUR Man Titties
Hide Them
In your mind, these beauties were developed out of love and lots of excess food, steroids or the like. I get it friend. There is no reason to destroy what the Good Lord has “given” you. Some women are HATE YOU because of the size of your luscious mounds. In fact, Bo Derek would probably label you a “10” due to how they flop around running down the beach after the hot dog vendor who just closed up shop. Damn it, if you are comfortable with your mannery glands, please feel free to go down to your local Macy’s or Nordstrom’s and pick up the 21st century solution to this problem. Kramer (from Seinfeld) developed the first of it’s kind bra for men. He named it the Bro. See the video below.
After putting on a Bro, men have exclaimed extreme delight. Some testimonials include feeling ten years younger, that their posture has been significantly improved or that their breathing ability has become better. Characterized as too “ethic”, the name was ultimately changed to the “Manssiere” – Brassiere for Men – See the Video Below for the testimonials and the name change.
Medical procedures
Not getting because you are most likely better off with a Bro or working out. Some doctors will put you on an antiestrogen treatment or surgery – trust me they don’t look bad enough to go to that length….and famous people have them anyway so keep all the knifes and the drugs away – unless you have a serious discussion with your doctor and your therapist.
Non-medical Techniques
While there is no magic technique or exercise that will help with your man boob problem, there are things that you can do to make it better. I have read several articles and most of them say the same types of things. Lose weight, eat better and do some exercise. Well no shit. I guess I better starve myself, become a gym rat and start eating twigs and berries – LMFAO!
30 Day Challenge
We all know that this is not going to happen for most of us. My suggestion (let me reiterate that I am not a personal trainer so take my advice with a grain of salt) is that if you even make some small changes in your life, you will see improvements and reach a much more palatable result. If you decide that doing nothing is going to somehow make some changes in your life….keep banging you head against the wall and say it will feel better sooner or later. For the rest of us, this is my battle plan. I am going to do 100 push ups! Yup that’s it! Well kind of. I am going to do 100 today and add 5 more per day for the next 30 days. Doing the simple math…I’ll be doing 150 at the end of the 30 day challenge. This is something all of us can do and stick with. I am not saying to do all of them at one time. If you can do that GREAT. If you can’t (and I’m with you there), do as many as you can and stop. Take a break and do more throughout the day until you complete the number. No weights….No heavy lifting…No meat head assholes at the gym. Just simple plan to see what can happen in just 30 days. I will not guarantee that they will be gone but I will put money on it that you will not have the sloppy man pancakes that you once had.
In conclusion, I challenge you to do this and let me know your results. I plan on giving you updates as the 30 days go by to make sure you are keeping me accountable to the destruction of my man boobs. Oh yeah…and if you read this far….Please go and give us a like on Facebook. Thanks we will love you for it!
****DISCLAIMER**** Please do not do this if you like how they bounce, your wife or significant other likes calling them man flapjacks and you like wearing a Gimp mask, or they look great in a Bro. We are now planning on eliminating them once and for all. Oh yeah…And check with your doctor to make sure you are not gonna die from a little physical activity BECAUSE I will not be responsible!