The world needs failures. It makes all the rest of us feel some much better, so how can we make this happen. Did you honestly believe that I would set you up for failure? You probably wanted to drive over, visit me and knock me around a little bit based upon the title of this post. What I think that is important is to find the six most common behaviors that Fire Dads need to stay away from to ensure that their kids become successful and wonderful additions to society.
Authoritarian Parents
The trait was parents that were authoritarian. So what truly is an authoritative parent? One that has high demands of their children with providing minimal responsiveness. These types of parents are more demanding towards their children. Further, they discourage open communication which can have quite a profound effect on their behavior. Think about a child who is told they need to perform at a peak level. They fail to meet the grade of their parent and then the parent then provides them with negative feedback as their means of support. Do you think this would be beneficial for your kids?
So where do I stand? Does mean I am a “trophy” parent and want that mushy wonderful ideal. Here children go with the flow of things. Do what you want and we can fit it into the world. No, this is not what I consider ideal either. i think playing the extremes will always be problematic for the children. I like to take the middle ground or somewhat offset from the middle. I have expectations of my girls. Here is my expectation of them….”Do Your Best. I will love you always and forever but I expect you to put in time to do your best”.
Mary and I have a common belief that the kids should explore different areas and succeed in their own ways. When they do really well at school, I do not use the word “smart”. I let them know that I am proud of their accomplishments. I follow this up with the understanding that they did so well due to their level of practice. I have told them that they succeed when they put in the time to succeed. So how does the best fit into this? I let them know that if they want to do their best, they need to practice. As long as they prepare properly, I will always be proud of them.
Let Their Kids Watch TV When They Are Young
Ewwwww….I am guilty of this one. I told you I was not perfect (actually far from it). It was easier to do with Mia and Milana. With Bella, I notice that they are having more “screen” time than I would like. There are certain people that have thrown out a set number of hours (2 or less) per day for a child to watch. The research suggests that giving them more than this can cause problems which can be seen in their developmental years.
Well, like I said…pimping ain’t easy. What I mean is that coming home after getting your butt kicked in can lead to a very groggy/sleepy daddy that just wants to shut his eyes for HOURS! Is that so wrong? It is very simple to just throw on the boob tube and start Netflix. Or better yet, these smart TVs have a hot button that takes care of all the work for me…BONUS!
According to the research, letting children under three have significant amounts of TV time can effect vocabulary and participation in school. It can also lead to that child being a bully in school. OH BOY….So let’s talk about Bella. She is a little beast. She is the sweetest looking little girl with her little curls and the kind words that come out of her mouth. One minute she will tell you that she loves you and the next she says she hates you. Okay so is TV really that bad? Well, let me continue. She is my fearless girl. She will step in on other people 2x’s bigger than her and tell them to step off or they are going to get a taste of Bella. So I do see that she has more difficulty when it comes to containing her rage/anger. Additionally, I do see that she struggles where Mia and Milana did not. For instance, I have seen her struggle with letters and numbers which were not a terrible struggle for the other two. Hmmm….There might be something to this research and something that I will have to address and start to reduce in the future.
They Yell at Their Kids Alot
Am I guilty? Damn it…Yes I can sometimes lose my cool and yell at the girls. Does it feel good at the time. Damn right it does but am I causing some long term damage. Ugh….Damn it…Probably. Well maybe I am not the worse person though because it does say A LOT. I am not the person that is screaming at them all the time. So maybe I have not as much work to do here.
The research suggests that shouting, cursing and insults can have the same negative effects as physical discipline. SOLD! No more yelling, I’m just gonna haul off and start throwing shoes at them instead. Easier until my shoes get damaged. I KID. I KID. Please do not call DCFS and report that I am throwing shoes at the girls. I do not think I insult them…at least i don’t think I do. Guess Mary will have to be the final word on that one. I do shout because I think sometimes it needs to be done to get attention. If you have better ideas on this one, please provide suggestions below so we can all learn from it.
Shit. I curse, too. I’ll save why cursing actually means you’re are pretty smart according to the research for a future post. Safe to say, I need to curtail the amount that I do…as does Mary. The last thing I need is Mrs. Lee calling me up to tell me, “Mr. P, do you know how Bella was creative with words at recess today?” They already have called videos out where potty words are spoken and they let me know that is not good. Obviously they know the words!
Mid-Post Break
So we have three down and three to talk about in the next post. If you have any suggestions regarding the first three shoot me a message at ideas@firedads.com and maybe we can incorporate them into a future post. I know that I have things to work on so I will be looking for ways at being a better dad to my girls….hopefully you can do the same. Next post will be Part II of this which should be served up to you in the next couple days!
Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/parents-unsuccessful-kids-common-traits-2016-6