Sometimes we look at our kids and think…where the hell did they learn that behavior. When the kids do something that is questionable, I just say “Yeah, Mary taught them that. I don’t know what is wrong with her….She probably grew up on a farm or was raised by herd of wildebeests.” Well that was until I did some self reflection on what types of things that I do that are gross. My belief now is that my kids are a chip off the old block! Before you judge my grossness…I suggest that you look to see if you might be just as gross.
- Leaving Logs in the Toilet. Hey, I’m not proud. Its very rare that I get the opportunity to poop in peace anymore. I think a new sign was put on the door of the bathroom that has the exact time that I’m going to be in the bathroom. At this point, it becomes a conference room for three girls that not only ask me how to solve the worlds problems but also for them to tell me how much I smell. My response….Don’t come in while I am trying to relax. Well because it takes all my brain power to solve their limitless questions…sometimes…well I just forget to flush. All I can say is that at least I close the lid so Fozzie does not get to have my leftovers.
- Farting. Not sure about you and your family but I find it damn funny when someone toots. I think this stems back to my years working in a retirement home where the old people had no shame letting them RIP! Middle of a conversation….walking down the hallway….at the ice cream social….It didn’t matter, they would let them rip. The even funnier thing is they never missed a beat. They could hold a conversation full while slamming how a 20 second air biscuit. That is world class! So in memory of some of these fine people AND the fact that I’m now a protected class (at least for age discrimination), I plan on working and honing my craft so that I am prepared to take the reigns when I get older. All I’m going to say is you better stay off my “six” when I start pushing around my walker.
- Picking Winners. Don’t even say you do not do it. Maybe when you think that someone is not watching but YOU DO IT. I got to see full well today as I was driving my squad car. I had one man and one woman in two separate incidents. I was driving along when I looked over and see them with their fingers up their nose. It’s like they just didn’t care. I looked at them and they quickly pretending they were doing something different (guy started rubbing his nose but he knew I saw him second knuckle deep; woman started playing with her hair…probably wiping booger in for her next Tinder date). Well, I can say that I am just as guilty. I’m sure people have caught me in the act BUT sometimes you just need to clear out the caves.
I think all of these three things are pretty normal behavior. While you might not care to admit that you have left surprises for other family members, farted in front of strangers or picked a boogie once or twice, the truth is that you have. I will still love you for the way that you are. I think my kids actually think that I am pretty cool for doing these things as they have now grown into my footsteps. Nothing makes me more proud than Mia picking her nose at the dinner table….I just know that I will not have to fend off many boys if I can teach her that people like seeing that. My children are such a chip off the ole block…and I’m proud!
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