Mia’s First Day at Kindergarten
OMG folks it is true. Today was a big moment in the M5 household as an epic event took place. While I was choking in water during the annual watermanship test, Mary made it a point to sign up Milana for kindergarten. (Input the sounds of trumpets playing a victory song in a castle). That makes two going to full day school with only little Bella Bean still going to preschool.
Why is this so exciting? Do I want to get rid of the kids? Well no…Well shit let’s be honest here YES I DO! While I cherish my time with them, I also cherish that time that I have away from them. I think parents need their own sanity time away from DAD….DAD…..DAD…..DAD…..DAD and so on and so on. Now its on the teachers to hear the constant requests. I have been so excited I have been practicing what I won’t hear anymore because it will be missed like a tree falling in an empty forest. I refer to them as my gifts for “kicking the kids” to all day school.
Dad I’m hungry. What are you going to make me? Old Dad response: Ugh….you guys actually eat three times a day? What do you want this time. I am good at making PB & J, Mac and Cheese (from the box) or just eat some chips.
New Dad Gift: Now it is the school’s problem to provide all those things. All I need to do is send an occasional box of granola bars or some glue. I send the items to the school like a care package for my little prison inmates.
Dad I don’t wanna go to the gym. Old Dad Response: (Negotiation) Okay….If you let me go to the gym, I will take you to [Insert Location] – Common Choices: McDonalds or Burger King so they can play, Discovery Center, Taco Bell for those yummy Doritos Tacos, a park….anywhere so they do not have to take a nap.
New Dad Gift: All the benefits without the whole day being swallowed up with my “punishment” for going to the gym. I get to occasionally go on field trips when needed and not rush to the gym.
Dad I went poop. Old Dad Response: Interrupt whatever important thing I am doing because I only do important stuff. I move to one of the bathrooms only to find them smiling at me like I cherish the moment of wiping their asses. Thankfully, Mia and Milana take care of this stuff on their own but sometimes they really need to check their skills. I don’t know if it is the many years that I have wiped my own to ensure the cleanliness of the area. They do a quick wipe without checking their work only to find their swift response has only led to one or two streaks in the underwear.
New Dad Gift: NOT MY PROBLEM. From the point of Mr. Hanky making a quick exit to the point those underwear are cleaned….I have no possible chance of getting involved. They will have to deal with it on their own…..AND the beauty of it is I do not do the laundry so the extra stains will not make a difference in my life.
Dad I got boogers. Staying on the same theme of bodily functions…What about boogers. The little petri dishes seem to introduce all kinds of challenges to my immune systems from their “friends” at school. While I am not too fond of sick kids (I’m sure not many are) because of their crabby nature and their whininess, the boogers really make it tons of fun! AH CHOO and the boogers go out like a swarm of killer bees; all over the face, chin and making an assault on their mouths.
New Dad Gift: This will become either the kids or a teachers gift from me. No more gooey boogers coming on me anytime soon!
Dad You Need to Take me to School. I’ve saved the best for last. The only downside of preschool is that the kids need to be driven to school every morning….oh and they need to be picked up. This is about an extra 40 minutes out of every day for school transport. It probably would be good to work with other families in the area to limit it….Yeah well that has not come to fruition over the last several years so.
New Dad Gift: I don’t know what happened to America since I went to school but I love it. The school bus stops at the end of every child in the subdivision’s driveway and picks them up and drops them off. What can be better….I just need to be there for pick up and drop off….then I get 8 hours of PEACE!
This is my dream world starting in 2019 when all three are going to full time school. Bella will still provide the wonderful gifts above to make my life wonderful. I don’t wanna go cold turkey right away anyway. I need some time to get used to the fact that I won’t have to wipe asses, boogers and provide limousine services for the kids. Bring on 2019…..I am crossing the days off the calendar!
Be kind…..Like our Facebook page…..I’ll wipe your ass???