When They Loved One Another
I think one of the simplest, yet powerful things that we as Fire Dads can do is teach our kids how to appreciate all the wonderful things in their lives. I say it is simple because it only requires only a few minutes each day to make an impact on your kids lives. It goes beyond using the words “please” and “thank you”. Not to say that those words are not important, but by teaching them gratitude, other traits are developed including empathy for other people appreciation for life. The kids begin to see beyond their normal self-centeredness and see and realize the wonderful things that people do for them. These people provide shelter, food, love, etc. The last thing that I want for them is to believe that they are entitled to things in life and then will be continually disappointed when they do not get everything and anything they want.
I would love to say that I am an expert in being appreciative and showing gratitude BUT I am in learning mode as a Fire Dad and as such a work in progress. Thankfully, I am not a complete failure as the experts say we are not born with gratitude. It takes some training to understand and appreciate what others do for you. More importantly, there are definite benefits to having gratitude and showing appreciation. Studies suggest that people that show gratitude have higher levels of happiness and optimism and lower stress and depression…God knows I need to lower my stress when four women are trying to live in peace and happiness!
WHEN GRATITUDE BEGINS
If I am still a work in progress, does that mean young children are going to be a lost cause? THANKFULLY, according to Barbara Lewis (author of What do You Stand For? For Kids – Free Spirit Publishing, 2005), kids as young as 15 to 18 months can start to understand the concept that leads to gratitude. They see themselves as separate from their parents and see that parents do things that make the children happy. This happiness provides the building blocks to developing and nurturing the gratitude in your children.
During age of 2 to 3, children can articulate in their own way what they are thankful for. Normally, we are not talking high end thinking but they can appreciate things like their dog, specific objects and even people. At age 4 and above, they start to really understand and can move beyond appreciating material things….so sometimes people take center stage and the things that they do.
Appreciate Your Sisters….Only when doing Light Bright!
So after doing some reading over the weekend, I decided to try it out on the kids. It only takes a few minutes to do and can actually be kind of funny to talk about. Me and the girls decided to have a “gratitude” conversation on the way to a birthday party. Here was the conversation that we had:
Me: Girls I am really excited about going to this birthday party. I cannot wait to spend some time with these people. They really are wonderful people. What do you girls appreciate?
Mia: Well….I’m glad we do not live in a box.
Me: Chuckle. Yes, that is something we should really appreciate. Mommy and Daddy work really hard to make sure you have a warm and safe home along with food and a big yard to play with your friends. We also have good friends and neighbors that get to share that with us.
Mia: Yes. Can we have a slumber party with people? They are really nice.
Me: Well, we need to work a lot more so we can feed all of them then. Maybe for your birthday.
Me: How about you Milana? What are you thankful for?
Milana: Fozzie. I love Fozzie.
Me: Why?
Milana: Because he is a good dog.
Me: How about you Bella? What are you thankful for?
Bella: I love you Daddy.
PERFECT WAY TO END THE CONVERSATION….for Now.
BECOMING A GRATITUDE JEDI
So what other things can we do to try and teach gratitude within our family?
First, start with the simplest things. Because the kids look to model the behavior of their parents, make sure that “please” and “thank you” are part of your daily ritual. By having good manners, your kids will be moving towards understanding and appreciating the things that happen in their lives.
- Have a Thanking Session – This is not something that has to take all day but it is important to start developing it as a habit in your family. A thanking session would be having everyone together and saying one or two things that they are thankful for. Some places that could happen: at the dinner table, on the way to swimming practice, or just before bed. I think it will be easy to do as I put each of the girls to bed. It will be the last thing on their mind as they slowly drift away to slumber.
- Learn to Say No – Kids like to ask for things all the time. Dad can I have this….Dad can I have that. If your response everytime is “Yes” (I know this is the easy path), then the kids will start to appreciate things much less. If you say “No” more often and not give them everything they want everytime….You will see that they appreciate it when you say “Yes” again.
- Encourage Donating Items – Well call it that you want to get organized or you want to get rid of all the crap that somehow always accumulates in your house. Several times a year, we like to have the girls pick some items that they think will be good presents to give to other kids. We will donate these items as it is a way to show them that it is best to share items and allow other less fortunate kids enjoy things as well. Also, during Christmas time, we have made it a point to find a “giving tree” and select a card for each girl. Each girl gets to pick the item (with some parameters; Bella would love to give another child a real pony….especially if we pay for it!) that will be given as a Xmas present.
- Make Thank You Notes Mandatory – One thing that I dreaded when I was a kid was to write out Thank You notes. I LOVED to get the presents but the notes were such a pain. That being said, it did embed the idea that gratitude was important to those around you. Now, I have the girls either give a personal phone call or send a thank you note to the people that are generous to them…whether it be presents, time or money for one of their fundraising events. Even if you kids cannot write, you can have them read out loud what they want written down. It will really make a difference.
- Get the Kids Help – After working on projects and homework with the girls, it can be a real time suck when they are slow or “butcher” the work that they start. It is much easier to just do things yourself. Unfortunately, if you sit and do everything, your kids will see that there is no requirement for them to do anything. “Oh mommy and daddy will take care of it!; aka entitlement. Instead, focus on having them doing it (it will take some patience), as they will realize that doing things around the house takes effort and they will appreciate it!
As you can see, showing gratitude can take only minutes and is very simple, yet so powerful! Take action today and try some of the techniques (at least one) and make it a “family habit”. It’s time for all of us to start appreciating the great things that we have in life and stop sweating all the small shit that really has no overall effect in the grand scheme of things.